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Who Pays for What?

Dear Edith, Please tell me, who pays for what?  So far I have been getting a different answer from the various people I have talked to. We really need to know what is right. Can you help us? Gratefully,

Answer:  The reason you are getting a variety of answers on what is right is because people are beginning to adjust to changing times! Often parents retire and move to Florida or Arizona. Families are spread from coast to coast. Couples work in Chicago or New York. Also religious customs vary in ethnic groups. Consequently a bride today is faced with more decisions than she ever had to deal with in the past.

Traditionally the bride’s family paid for the entire wedding and reception, with the understanding that the wedding ought to be kept within the limits of this family’s budget.

Gradually, in order to involve the groom’s family in the celebration, it has become customary for the groom’s family to hosts the rehearsal dinner. It is their decision if this will be an informal cook out for the wedding party or a small cocktail party or sit down dinner that includes close family members, friends and out of town guests.

In some cases, depending on the circumstances of the groom’s family, they may offer to pay for the flowers for the wedding or the music or the bar beverages. Naturally, it is essential that the bride and groom’s family discuss these matters early on before any important decisions are made.

Another recent trend we notice, for example, is when a bride and groom no longer live in their home town, but have established themselves in a new community with a host of friends and they are monetarily able and willing to do so, they may finance their own wedding.  


She is the author of several books including “the Complete Wedding Planner"
 

Dear Edith,
I have been looking at bridesmaid’s dresses and am having a hard time deciding what to choose. My bridesmaids are all different heights and sizes, both blonde and brunette, and also of different ages! What to do?

She knows exactly what brides, grooms, attendants and family members
want to know because she has personally answered over 40,000 of their
wedding etiquette questions on the internet.

 Edith Gilbert

She has written feature articles for major newspapers such as the New York Times, Chicago Tribune as well as the United Feature Syndicate. She has been a member of the Association of Bridal Consultants for over 25 years.

March February January December November October September
March 08

I have been looking at bridesmaid’s dresses and am having a hard time deciding what to choose. My bridesmaids are all different heights and sizes, both blonde and brunette, and also of different ages! What to do?
read more

March 08

Is it appropriate for me, the maid of honor, to invite people to a bridal shower when they are not invited to the “destination” wedding?”
read more
March 08

Please tell me what role the father plays in helping me plan my wedding? I feel badly because it seems to me that he is kind of left out in the decision making process, although he is paying all the bills. Do you have suggestions?  read more
March 08

We’ve been getting gifts as I can see on our online registry. People have been asking us if their gift has been received, which I don’t know, because they are being sent to my mother’s home in another city. My question is this. Is it appropriate to open gifts when they arrive and when do we send the thank you notes? Do we need to wait until after the wedding? That’s a ton of thank you notes to write at one time! I need your opinion on this matter and your input would be much appreciated!  read more
March 08

I would like to ask a friend to sing at our wedding, but I am not sure if he expects to be paid. How should I handle this?
read more
March 08

I just became engaged and several friends and relatives have offered to help us with our wedding. It’s really nice of people to offer their help, but I have no idea what they could or what we should ask them to do. Your suggestions would be more than welcome! read more
September 07

My problem is I don’t have anyone to give me away at my wedding. Any suggestions would be welcome!
read more


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